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Editorial: A fucking intense cocktail

meditations on demons, and a sip

I'm craving a serotonin drink.

I felt pretty bad today.

A real downer.

The last few days were so beautiful
when we were together… I think my
melancholic and depressed emotions
are bubbling over now… after an
intense moment of euphoria haha

I know that. I'm sad sometimes but I don't know why.

I should be happy.

Sometimes, I'm thinking which emotions
should I allow to evolve in a moment
where so many beautiful and simultaneously
depressive feelings collide. It's a strong cocktail.

It's a fucking intense cocktail.

they come in many forms and shapes. sometimes sudden, sometimes slow. much ingrained in the fabrics of our beings. like ghostly cues they push us into a loophole of agony. let's sit with them.

demonic friends become angels in flight. protective skins as hard as stone. an ice queen costume giving you the power of the strongest. but when shed and naked, bodies shiver of all this dishonesty. we lose ourselves, so we start to create.

repressed stories stir up, and dwell on the surface. it cracks. spirits whispering sweet messages into your ears. soothing scars, putting bodies in motion.

let's take a sip. to encompass destructive forces. to write stories against the grain. to feel closer to each other. to accept the gaps that separate us and those within. to embrace the ambivalences that seem unresolveable. to feel. to just be.

…where are you at now?

Thao Ho (they) is an activist, researcher and filmmaker.
Franzi Finkenstein (she/her or they/them) is a researcher and writer.

Thao on Vimeo
Franzi on Instagram, Twitter